Starting Perimenopause? Easily Avoid These 9 Regrettable Mistakes I Made
There was no time to prepare…
Waking up in Tulum, sheets soaked with blood and sweat, wasn't just another bad night's sleep—it was the beginning of what I could only describe as my personal hell. After knowing my body for 43 years, we were about to become strangers.
I didn't know the first thing about perimenopause. I had never even heard the word before, and I consider myself pretty well-read. Like many women, I stumbled through the early signs, making mistakes that only made my symptoms worse.
There wasn’t a guidebook when my hormones lost their damn minds. No “What to Expect When You Are Not Expecting” was delivered to my house. I was caught off guard by mood swings that made me question my sanity and energy crashes that derailed my productive days.
Looking back, I wish someone had warned me about these nine mistakes. They cost me months of unnecessary suffering, doctor visits, and self-doubt—mistakes you can now avoid.
I’m not a doctor, this isn't medical advice— but rather insights from a woman who learned all her perimenopause lessons the hard way. These are the truths I wish I'd known from the beginning.
#1: Asking my Mom
If anything could immediately cue my perimenopausal rage, it would be asking my mom anything about menopause, middle age, or aging in general. Her selective memory is normally infuriating, but this was especially unhelpful and disheartening. Looking for advice, wisdom, and guidance only to be gaslit is wild, but boomer moms—what can I say?
According to my mom, she had a flawless midlife with the exception of “one or two” hot flashes. I beg to differ, as I distinctly remember her mild-mannered ass smashing a conch shell in our stone fireplace right around age 48….
What To Do Instead:
Seek out women around your own age at work, the coffee shop, the train… Hint: They will be the ones with sweat glistening on their upper lip in winter.
Find online communities focused on perimenopause where you can commiserate, learn, or get advice from real women in real time.
#2: Skipping Sunscreen
"Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '97..." As I grasped at straws to put my life back together, I started taking the pill again. The pill is a quick, but not quite large enough Band-Aid that helps to even out your seesawing estrogen.
Have I mentioned how I live in the Virgin Islands, where the sun shines at least 363 days a year?
Well, lo and behold, the hormones in the pill (estrogen and progesterone) stimulate melanin production, resulting in excess melanin (aka melasma). The sun compounds the excess melanin and deposits a Burt Reynolds-influenced pattern across my upper lip and the return of my eighth-grade mustache. Oh, happy days.
What To Do Instead:
Wear sunscreen daily (35+), especially if you are on HRT or the pill.
Pull an Audrey (Hepburn) and rock a wide-brimmed hat when outdoors. Currently obsessed with Freya hats but they aren’t quite in the budget right now. These are affordable and cool:)
Use mineral-based sunscreens that provide better protection and are reef safe.
#3: Weak Self-advocacy Game
While on vacation in Tulum, Chris (my partner) and I woke up on a blood-soaked couch. It looked like we were filming CSI Mexico. I camped out in the bathroom for the rest of our vacation, bleeding so much I couldn’t get a tampon in quickly enough. When back at home, the island OB/GYN was not concerned at all, as it was just my age.
I went stateside to a hospital esteemed for its OB/GYN department and met with a seemingly bright, engaging, and, upon first assessment, all-around impressive young resident. She listened, sympathized, and sent me on my way because, again, it was just my age. This is what they are taught (or not taught).
I had to take matters into my own hands. I demanded blood tests, which I waited a few hours for, then had to actively seek someone out to administer them. Hours later I left, exhausted, annoyed, yet somewhat satisfied with myself for “self-advocating.”
The tests came back—I guess I should have specified what kind of blood work I wanted done…. My blood pressure was a little high….
What To Do Instead:
Go to your doctor prepared. Notebooks, printed articles, hell—bring your laptop and educate them!
Insist on the accuracy of what you are experiencing.
If that doesn’t help, get a new doctor who specializes in peri/menopause.
Don’t leave without a plan.
#4: Not Getting Professional Help Sooner
🎶 “Early Onset, Early Onset” 🎶—those two words rang through my head to the tune of “Frère Jacques” for months. I had just started an exciting project with a new client when the brain fog hit me like a bus.
It's not gradual—it's WHAM. One day normal, the next day, no brain. I was behind in everything and just couldn't figure it out. I was scared to get help or even tell my closest friends because I just wasn't ready to enter a home...
What To Do Instead:
At the first sign of brain fog (or any significant cognitive changes), seek professional advice to rule out other factors.
Create systems to help you manage work and life when the brain fog hits. (Notion has been a godsend.)
Supplements galore! (Always check with your doctor first.) More on supplements that you can actually FEEL working at a later date.
#5: “Inheriting” a Bread Machine
I've never been a snacker—I naturally prefer entrees to desserts—steak over chips. Who knew that next on stage would be Peri & the Bread Machine? Fast forward two weeks, and I have made a loaf of bread EVERY NIGHT. The cravings are insane—I wonder if they are similar to pregnancy cravings (someone let me know—I'll trade you for the BEST cinnamon raisin bread recipe 😉).
What To Do Instead:
Say NO to the bread machine unless you have the self-discipline of a Tibetan monk.
Stock your kitchen with ready-to-eat healthy alternatives—homemade granola can take the edge off my bread craving.
Portion control > Restrictive eating
Be kind to your body right now—it’s allowed to “let loose” when dealing with this insane turmoil.
#6: Missing the Patterns by Not Documenting my Symptoms
Oh, how I wish I could have started tracking my symptoms from day one. Instead, I spent months thinking I was losing my mind before recognizing patterns that could have helped me manage better.
Learning that there is a week each month that my ADHD medicine will just not work at my normal dosage because my estrogen is so low (luteal phase) could have saved me from a year of monthly doctor visits to experiment with new medications.
Truly learning about my cycle (as it ends) is a bit ironic since I have gone through it approximately 420 times. Recording my perimenopause symptoms has helped tremendously with work planning and even life planning. I will never schedule an important project to be started or finished during my “foggy” week, and I will not be planning any dentist appointments on my “no pain threshold” day, etc.
What To Do Instead:
Get a journal that you ❤️ , so it annoys you less. Write down how you are feeling every day. Track your cycle, symptoms, mood changes, energy levels, etc.
If that sounds absurd because it’s 2025 and you barely remember how to write, then try a symptom template to keep it all digital.
Use this data when speaking with any healthcare providers.
Identify patterns that can help you plan your life around predictable symptoms.
#7: Drinking my Troubles Away
Facing the inevitability of my age and perimenopause came with a lot of rosé, many Coronas, and a few Bloody Marys before I realized that alcohol was no longer my friend and maybe, just maybe, we were enemies?
It was the last thing I wanted to admit—how, just how was I supposed to get through all of this hell without my friends Syrah and Chardonnay? My drinking was always a bit accelerated, as I live in the Virgin Islands, and that’s basically all there is to do here. Breakfast comes with a mimosa, and you are always having an espresso martini after dinner.
It took only five days of no alcohol for me to feel epically different. So much so that I don’t think I’ll ever go back to being a daily “drinker.”
What To Do Instead:
Save your drinks for special occasions, and even then, make sure you have a recovery day for your brain and your body.
(This word makes my blood run cold), but TRY some mocktails that are interesting and don't trigger symptoms. I can get down with an alcohol-free mojito.
Notice the direct and eerily immediate correlation between alcohol consumption and symptom severity.
#8: Eschewing Moisturizer
Growing up in Philadelphia, a good moisturizer was part of the Philly Starter Pack, along with cheesesteaks and Rocky. The thing was, you KNEW when you had to put it on because the winter would bring cracked skin, flakiness, and even bleeding.
Living in the Caribbean, the air is warm and moist 365 days of the year. My first attempt to apply moisturizer was a joke—it just slid right off of me 🙄 (and I had just bought a huge vat of Brazilian Bum Bum Cream). I’m not an oily person, but 84 degrees, some bug spray, and a little bartending on the beach definitely left my skin mucho hydrated.
What To Do Instead:
Lather up daily, immediately after the shower.
Look for ingredients like hyaluronic acid, peptides, and ceramides.
Gold Bond Crepe Corrector and Sol de Janeiro Bum Bum Cream have my skin looking epic currently.
Don’t pull a Nora Ephron (I Feel Bad About My Neck) and forget your décolletage/neck.
#9: Not Exercising (ugh)
While I say that I would have done anything to ease my symptoms, as I look back at the beginning of my “journey” (I’m going to need to find a new word to use; that word makes me roll my eyes immediately. Anyone else?), And that’s just a lie.
I did everything I could possibly do… except the two things that made me feel IMMEDIATELY better (by the end of the first day!): cutting out daily wine and stupid exercise.
I’ve always been active, very active. Exercise was not a struggle; it was a way for me to get rid of some of my energy. But NOW?!?! Why would I make myself hotter and even more tired?!?!?! Night sweats made sleep impossible, and my energy levels were at an all-time low. It seemed preposterous.
What To Do Instead:
Just move. 20 minutes will truly make a difference (I jump on my mini trampoline to some perimenopause rage music), but find a podcast that you’ve been meaning to listen to and walk (or dance, or skip, or do TikTok dances). Zero judgment zone
Heavy Weights > Cardio (for perimenopausal women)
Think yoga, Pilates, and Tai Chi— physical activities that have a mind-body connection have a mind-body effect, which is especially helpful since perimenopause affects you both mentally and physically.
Focus on consistency. If it’s ten minutes, then make sure you are committed to those ten minutes daily.
Starting Perimenopause: What Comes Next
Look, perimenopause is a surprise visit to hell but it is also just that, an extended visit. You have to go through it to come out on the other side. Like chicken pox, but without all the scars (hopefully). Avoiding these mistakes is like having a little bit of lube... when you need it most 😉
What were the mistakes that you made when first starting perimenopause? Have you made any of these? Tell me everything in the comments below:)
